When it comes to financial writing, be brief

Talking numbers? Just get to the point

Your humble narrator visited his alma mater’s Web site, University of Michigan, and discovered that his long-since retired mentors did their work well, as evidenced by the following commentary and rewrite.

Budget includes moderate tuition increase and major investment in financial aid

Adjectives tell; nouns and verbs show. Get the adjectives out of the headline and put numbers in.

The Board of Regents unanimously has approved a $1.35 billion 2007-2008 General Fund budget for the Ann Arbor campus that includes a moderate tuition increase and invests significantly in financial aid.

Again, the adjectives and adverbs: “moderate” and “significantly.” Why repeat the headline in the lead?